I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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