it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
