just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
