apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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