Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
