...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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