a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize