Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
