I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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