i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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