I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
