Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Randomize
