she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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