Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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