I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
