Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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