Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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