just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
