We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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