shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
