got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
