i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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