Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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