I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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