So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
