No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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