i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
