Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
