You just made me feel so damn special
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
