i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
