He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize