the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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