I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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