apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize