How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
