So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
