I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
