She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
