I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
