genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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