i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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