and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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