shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
