Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize