After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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