why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize