Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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