I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
