I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
