Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
