Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize