I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry my hands just texted you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize