She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
