Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
