so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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