Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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