Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
