I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
