The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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