rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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