so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
