Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize