Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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