Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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