after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
