Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
