if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
