Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
