Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
