My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize