What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
