He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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