I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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