Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
