Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Text me some of your sweat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
