drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
