I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
