I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
